When you struggle who is struggling with you

This month has been hard and it’s only like 10 days in , there are Lots of tears happening in this house, most of them belong to me . It has made me see a lot of things clearly , family is hard, are you included, are you not, is it ok to feel that way, what is family ? It certainly doesn’t out reach to being nice, loving and truthful all the time now does it? I have always felt like family is of your choosing but they have to choose too, this month I made a choice to stand in the gap, it was hard I didn’t want to I would rather have been angry and judge , but then I heard ” where do you turn when your “tribe” your family chooses exclusion turn your face to God, open your heart to grace and forgive. God doesn’t call for your judgement he doesn’t care what you think he called you to love and love fiercely , we’ve been doing a lot of loving around here and I feel so proud when I see that it’s teaching my kids to offer a helping hand , we are all not blessed with wonderful family, be one for someone or just be good to the family that is yours . I’m counting days because God has called me to love someone it’s hard to love and I hope I can follow the direction I receive .

You know I know everyday how blessed I am , I am loved by my God, my husband, and my kids, I am grateful because my parents are incredible and my brother is so dear, life would be so empty without that, so I pray for those that heart aches without that love .

Random but I also befriended someone I would have never imagined , life has to changed us both and for the first time I saw endearment instead of nosey, passion instead of snotty, laughter instead of anger and I feel blessed I get to see that relationship change and the bitterness wash away .

I love you S for saving me, for bettering me , for pushing me to dream big , love hard and cry harder

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