We see the bustle of new years resolutions all around us, the gym is more crowded, salads are more popular, dessert is easily passed on, new year new you! 2018 I decided to stop resolving and to start speaking over my year, and for me God said “be still” – I am really bad at this, for those who know me I am rarely still. I have anxiety and that manifest in the constant need to move and be doing something. Also the reason I can not join the Tidy Up love on Netflix…don’t know what I mean? Google it. She gives me anxiety. My husband has long accepted this in me but in the last few years I have began to be really honest with myself and others and I remember a specific time when at my friends house, where I am constantly sweeping and her husband said I can do that just stop, and my friend who knows me so completely said, its her anxiety, she needs to sweep just let her do it, she isn’t looking down on our house keeping she just needs to sweep….I felt so seen in that moment. It was then I wanted to learn to be still, a D groupie said it was a future tattoo for me ( that hasn’t come to pass yet) I do not feel like I mastered that in 2018 but I did learn to give myself permission to rest, not only in the physical sense but also to let my mind rest, that it was ok to trust God and quit thinking until my head hurt.( or eye twitches)
2019 has come and after seeking my word in my quiet time of day, it will be a year of “release” when I say that I envision opening my arms and birds flying from my heart, I am sitting on my yoga mat in front of the warmest fire with a great EXHALE. I don’t know exactly what this word will hold for me but I do know there are some things I am releasing to God, and in that I am giving myself freedom, to breathe, bloom, and soar.
So momma in the middle of the muk and chaos, I see you, God see’s you and we all need to let a few things go, this verse speaks volumes to me but in this particular translation it is so freeing.
” Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me- watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.Matthew 11:28-30 MSG
This year in the spirit of release I want to…
Embrace the changes around me with joy and thanksgiving.
Engage with my people more…for all of my friends you know how much I loathe phone conversations but I am hoping to do that more.
Be more patient and willing to step out of my comfort zone.
Believe that my purpose is in my everyday and that it is beautiful and worthy.
Break the habit of mom shaming myself
Daily continue my journey through the bible and understanding it
Do more of what makes my heart sing and my soul laugh
Let go of preconceived notions of what I should look like
Learn to seek
Live with gratitude
Give with grace
Release the fact that any unknown liquid on my floor is pee. ( it may not be, give it a chance….but don’t taste test it )
I want to look back at 2019 as a year of huge growth