Kids

5 isn’t a magic number

So this week brought another level of love for Clay and this post is probably going to go ten different directions with no general theme in mind because that is what the last 7-10 days have contained.  We have been married for 5 years, that seems crazy and we have been together for 10… I think, he is really better with the dates than I am.    When  we started dating life was so fun, we were wild and free, and then life tested us, with medical school and it was hard, it was sleep deprived emotional roller coaster, my emotional insecurity made it harder on both of us, and we decided we needed a break, it wasn’t pretty , it hurt a lot.  I knew it wasn’t permanent though, deep inside, that certainly didn’t keep it from being painful.  It didn’t take long to find ourselves in contact again and seeing one another often and we made some pretty big decisions and talked about hard stuff and we changed and we moved… Durant brought more change, and more big kid issues we were not ready for but we had come this far and I was determined no matter what life threw at us, we would face it together and we did.  Then we got married, and started this crazy loud journey we are on now, we had a beautiful wedding, a wonderful honeymoon, and faced life with a whole new attitude, and then we got pregnant…oh gosh we were so excited and we had it all planned out and I was going to be an awesome working mom and he would finish residency and we would have this sweet baby and in a few years have another,  Clay and I are well aware anytime we make plans God laughs at us and boy did he laugh.  The first ob appointment was so exciting, we got in the sonogram room and Clay is laughing, because he knows what he is seeing and it takes me a minute to recognize there are 2…. twins. Our parents were ecstatic and I was exhausted and through out this pregnancy I would rollercoaster through several things but in the end God had a perfect plan and that was to seal Clay and I together and bring us to him. The roller coasters began in September, we found out it was a boy and a girl and met a doctor in OKC to make sure they had all ten fingers, high risk appointment .  I cried the whole way home and sat in the bath drinking non alcoholic beer trying to convince myself this was going to be a normal pregnancy.   I knew I wasn’t going to be able to work and keep these littles alive, so I sold my dream in trade for a new dream but it was hard, so hard, but Clay wrapped me in his love and cooked me millions of pancakes and told me it would be ok, and it would be.  So I was one week into “retirement” and speaking at the high school for the United Way when I went into labor, Clay was cool calm and collected… I was 28 weeks, I laid on my side and drank lots of water, then we decided to go to the hospital just to check it out …. and within a few hours I was being loaded into a helicopter and watching my cool calm collected husband standing on the ground as they flew the 3 of us to Mercy in OKC.  What I didn’t realize when I walked out of the house on December 4 with an empty nursery…literally nothing that I would return a month and half later with babies and much more rooted in God and family and more in love than I could have imagined.  Now here we are almost 4 years later and we are still amazed we survived it, but this rollercoaster is fun and the last 5 years have been the beginning of a beautiful ride, we are still growing in our walk with God and growing together, and its incredible and God still laughs at the plans we make.  I am glad he finds us funny though:) Because 4 years ago that was one of the qualities Clay listed about himself that made me so lucky, “I’m funny, boyishly handsome, and sing like bird…” I think it is far more than that but I will let him believe that 🙂

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