Leaves

I would have never believed I could run a half marathon, I remember my first 5k, I thought I would collapse, Ashley pushed me to run to do it for myself, I ran the river, blisters forming not knowing what I was doing.  That was ten years ago.   I would have never even aspired to the half marathon, 3 miles was more than enough but I think maybe I didn’t need it as much as I do now, I had a full life …full of myself and now my life is so much more plentiful, full of I love you’s and adoring kisses, full of an adoring husband, and beautiful children and with that Satan tells you, you are not your own, you have nothing that is yours, but it isn’t true, I am my own and when I tie my shoes I am not only showing myself how strong I am but I am inspiring my kids, am I slow…yes painfully slow, but I am okay with that.  It is something I have to continue to remind myself of that every step, this is not a race, I am not trying to outrun anyone I am not battling the clock (thank heavens) because I am a shetland pony in a quarter horse race but I am okay with that because every step I make is beautiful, I make steps for my babies, steps for babies torn from hearts of my friends, babies with out warm homes, my steps are prayerful and when I miss that time I long for it.  I long for God.  That is what pushes me to do it again, I am overwhelmed with love, it pours down on me like the leaves from the tree’s I am happy in this moment I am overwhelmed with it, and heart sick at the same time for those around me who don’t know how that feels, I am learning to wait, learning patience, learning to wait for the words and to reach out when they come. I am learning to live in the moment and to be compassionate above all, I don’t understand everyones pain but that doesn’t mean I can’t wade the dark waters with them to hold their hand, so I run, not because I am a runner but because God grants me the feet to do so and the time that only he can.