100 days to brave

I have been struggling to write lately for a lot of different reasons but today I felt like I just needed to open my computer….. Sometimes I never know where this story will lead so welcome to this adventure through my mind this morning!! I have great friends- I mean I could say that a million times, and our friendships just keep evolving, we hold each other accountable, strive for transparency and growth together and basically walk the hard roads.  They understand when I need quiet but also hold me out of my hidey hole as I like to call it.  I have been sad, really sad, I didn’t know this level of sadness was possible….it made me realize I have never had to let go of someone so near to me before.  I couldn’t sleep the first few nights, I did an exuberant amount of laundry and leaked a lot from my eyes- I call it leaking because I was not actively crying it just kept running out of my eyes like a fountain….so obviously it was a leak of some sort.  So on this journey I decided to open an accountability door so I did not stay in the hidey hole for to long, if you don’t have this ..get one.  Make a small step- turn on your read notifications with one person- you can do that you know – let one person in your life (or two) know exactly when you see what they have to say and be accountable to answering.  I feel like it opened my heart a little more, so I began another journey- I mean look here I start a lot of journeys- anxiety, minimalism, oily, fitness,prayer, and I am still on all of these but I added one to the list, ( I decided I didn’t have enough to do ..hahaha) and I started 100 days to brave….day 2 was to tell someone you are on this journey SO HEY GUYS I AM ON A JOURNEY TO BE BRAVER!!! (thanks L,K,&P for the gift of indulgence-new book) What does being brave look?  Well sometimes it is getting out of bed, and for me sometimes it is choosing laughter instead of tears, gratefulness instead of sadness..can I tell you a hilarious story?  I keep my cousins girls, which has been a joy for Porter and I, as it is giving Porter a best friend to comfort him in the fact his bubba and sissy are gone all day.  We play a lot of play dough- the twins are learning colors at school so we discussed this morning the fact that the kids had mixed all the colors so obviously as those of us color educated makes a fabulous shade of BROWN.  This fact will play a role in the humor of this story.  Potty training has been a little regressive for P with all the kids going to school stuff, we are doing grocery pick up today so I was attempting to get my self together (deodorant and such ) and I walk down the hall to check on H and P who are watching Beauty and the Beast for the second day in a row(H wears the Belle dress all day and it is adorable )I stop in the hall by what I assume is is play dough dropped and I scoop it up.  It is not in fact play dough but a fresh pile of poop…… which dropped straight out of P’s drawers.  Oh shit, literally. (sorry mom) I could not help but find this situation hilarious, P comes running I sorry momma I sorry…aw kid its ok.  We all lose our poop sometimes. lol. I had to put on my brave face this morning when I left the kids at school- because my son said I am glad you take us to school so we can spend more time with you and A chimes in, it is really special for us mom….oh dear heavens what are they 18??? They talk to me with an endeaarance of an adult, I am so excited they are learning and they love school, but letting them out of the car requires so much bravery!! I watch the news once in a blue moon because of this- the world wants me to fear but I want to be brave ! God wants me to be brave!  This world is scary, hard, and sad – you can’t be sheltered from that but choose gratitude, choose laughter even when you find yourself holding a big pile of poop and I promise it will change your life – one little moment at a time.

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