Day 294

I guess I feel like I need to chronicle my journey into this season of no hair…hahah.  Well I think it is really growing quickly (although I have been told that may not be as evident to others)  The comments on the current state of my hair vary,  I am learning to take them with grace and humility.  Here is what God is doing for me, much of my life from a young age I had trouble telling the truth.  It was always to skew others perception of who I was.  I wanted to be exactly what I was expected by the person who viewed me.  As most of you know I have been on a self discovery journey for 294 days, I don’t think I will ever grow tired of keeping up with this, it is much like keeping up with the progression of a pregnancy.  I am keeping up not with a human growing inside of me, but of the spiritual renewal happening in my heart every day.  42 weeks and over the last month I have been pushed to reveal my true self to people around me.  My husband knows and loves my true self and although I know those I reveal my truths to love me also but I am being pushed to honesty with people around me about areas of my life I have spent so much time hiding I can almost pretend they don’t exist.  I have felt the need to tell my truths many times in my life, but that would require admitting I had told lies and I wasn’t ready to take that leap just yet.  These lies were insignificant.  I told them out of fear.  Fear of being rejected.  So on this journey I am learning to be a daughter, a daughter of the most high and with that I am learning how to be a daughter to my Mom and Dad.  My parents are incredible.  They have afforded me every opportunity and taught me all the things I needed, but I can honestly say I have not always known what it meant to be a daughter.  God is teaching me,  a daughter is loved with out merit, she does not earn that love, it is freely give and she is treasured.  God is teaching me to accept that from him and in turn I am really honestly experiencing what it means to know how unconditionally my earthly parents love me as well as my heavenly father.  I saw that last week when I shaved my head and my parents love was unwavering  God did not say “show me “because he needed to know my commitment to him, he said “show me ” in order for ME to see how loved I was.  In this moment I sit in the  back of a room full of women longing to feel that fatherly love and I am broken for them and oh so grateful that God used this crazy moment in my life to show me and help me accept the incredible love in my life being poured into me and like the awkward compliment receiver that I am, I am learning the acceptance of something good that is for me.  So then I ask myself what do you see when you look at yourself?  I see a woman who for the first time in her life is believing the truths told to her about who she is and is speaking that truth.

“It wasn’t due to weakness of your purpose and design that the enemy attacked you; it was because of the STRENGTH of your purpose of design”

I am not weak or meek, I am strong because he makes me strong, and he designed me for a purpose and I BELIEVE THAT.

I challenge you today …accept love..don’t feel undeserving of it, replace that terrible lie with truth.