Kids

Who you say I am

I recently submitted a blog entry to be a guest writer for a family blog, at first the response was positive and I was beyond excited, after reading my content they let me know if they used anything I had previously written it would under go editing to remove the religious references.  I was still welcome to write for them if I was willing to do something not involving religion.  I considered this and thought I can do that, I have been brainstorming ideas and I realized with out God my story does not exist.  I was created to bring God glory and if I remove him from the story that is in fact what the world loves, I created this platform to be a place I could share real life, if I edit it for you so it is enjoyable for everyone it doesn’t belong to me anymore.  I know that their are people who roll their eyes at my blog, people who pass it by for that reason but you have that prerogative.  I have always battled with comparison, Facebook became a dark place for me(which is weird since I have now created a page for this little blog)  It brought up a million questions for me….it would take me hours to post.  I scroll and think maybe I should make a sweet post about how much I love C (not that this even remotely speaks to him) so then what is the motive? so people know I am so in love or to actually show love to him…. question answered.  I remember posting on his timeline (many years ago) and being so mad at him for the whole day because he didn’t acknowledge my love declaration……also that he has never posted a sappy she’s so wonderful post about me.   FACEBOOK DOES NOT JUSTIFY MY RELATIONSHIP.  Then came along these precious babes who wreck my world and make it right at the same time and I thought do I post enough pictures of my kids? Do I post more of one child than the other? Do people think I have a favorite child? What if people look at my page and think my kids are always this cute and well behaved? People assume they are anyway because I have the scariest mom voice and apparently even my whisper is commanding( I am laughing hysterically at that statement but it is true- they know when momma means business) SOCIAL MEDIA DOES NOT DETERMINE WHETHER I AM GOOD MOM.  The list goes on and on, what if I post a song people think is weird, can’t post to much about yoga, or running, or my essential oils, heaven forbid people think I am a hippy or an exercise fanatic, or a meditating Buddhist(don’t ask but apparently it is a popular theory about yoga).  I was never confident enough to think people wanted to see my selfies at least (after 25) I am certain no one cares what I am eating or when I am struggling and need to be passive aggressive. I would scroll pictures and think, I wish I was that skinny again maybe I should do what she is doing- intro all kinds of supplements and fast acting stuff. FACEBOOK DOES NOT HAVE THE POWER TO GIVE ME BODY ISSUES UNLESS I ALLOW IT.  I say all that to say this, when I was in the hospital pregnant with the twins, I took a hiatus from social media because it was so hard to watch the world carry on, in that little room God brought me back to him. He is teaching me everyday to rest in his presence, to believe the things he says of me, to give myself grace and extend it ten fold to those around me and to wait quietly when I ask for his help.  My happiness can not be molded by what people think of me, and I battle everyday to make that choice.  I want to be who God says I am so that you can see him too.

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