Losing my religion

Momma in the mess.  We have all been there right? You post a picture of a beautiful sleeping baby and what a blessing that baby is, and all the other moms in the world just rolled their eyes at you…look at her? why isn’t my baby sleeping ? or crawling or whatever milestone we are expectant of.  Oh you didn’t disclose that sweet baby was exhausted from the two hours of rocking singing Jesus loves me and by the 10th time your voice sounds so angry no one believes Jesus loves you  anyway.  You paid two hours and some sanity for that photo of a sleeping baby.  When you are in this season I feel like we so often look around and think holy smoke I haven’t talked to an adult in 3 days? Then that person who helped you create those beautiful angels comes home and you don’t even say hi because well you are tired of answering 9,000 questions and hearing your name 55,000 times that you are like a ticking time bomb.  This was so me, and the minute he asked a question BOOM, how was your day? oh I don’t know I have been  screamed at, peed on, puked on, and stuck my hand in poop….how do you think my day was?  This really encourages healthy conversation I promise.  (eye roll) I felt like role at home had robbed me of who I was, I went days without talking to my friends, sometimes weeks(sorry guys) I slept much less than the recommended and was an all around grouch feeling like the world was dumping on me and it was so unfair.  Then I decided I needed a change, and something told me that change had to be actually pursuing God, I read my bible app for 2 seconds and prayed with my kids and called it good before but this time I decided it needed to be different I wanted to hear God in my life, and I wanted to really LOVE my family.  That was 242 days ago.  Would you skip a day on facebook? I am sure that is resounding no….so why would you skip time with God? It has become like coffee to me, and anyone who knows me knows I have a coffee love, even my kids know I don’t play or watch cartoons until momma gets that first cup of coffee down:)  God and my coffee go hand and hand, and you know what else, he speaks to me, no no he doesn’t call on the phone but he has shown me and continues to show me how to love my husband and kids, how to LOVE MYSELF, he guides me to aide my friends, and he is teaching me to be content and present.  I have always struggle with sharing my faith for fear of what people think or if they share that faith and all that other scary stuff we worry about but a song has recently spoken to me and it could not be more fitting- it is on Lauren Daigles new album and its called Losing my religion, she says:

No more performing out of fear

Trying to keep my conscience clear

It all seems so insincere

I’d trade it all to meet you here

I’m losing my religion to find you


I have never been a fan of religion but I am a serious Jesus fan.  I always looked at people who believe only a certain number make it to heaven and thought why would you tell people about God if the place is full?  Then today I had the thought well why would I not tell people if I don’t believe it is full?

 Camp-run-a-muk Chaos Coordinator



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