Expectations and perception….two things I have been hyper aware of lately. What are my expectations of a situation, and how is it perceived, because let’s be real no matter what the reality is, it is perception that matters.
I stepped into several situations lately where my perception has gravely impacted my reaction and in post haste I realize I made a choice I would not have or allowed myself to feel something that was probably not the reality of the situation but because my heart was already so anxious I walked aways with unrealistic perceptions. Sounds like a bunch of facebook Status’ right? One of those passive aggressive or vague post that leave you thinking… did I hurt her feelings, or I wonder what that is directed at?….think she is having relationship problems??? Haha well none of that is the case in this story, I have just been super aware of perception lately. I mean it is all around us right? We want to know what people think, for instance picture day was yesterday at the kids school….and being the super prepared and organized mother I am …I forgot. Not that it in one bit bothered me, I mean it is school pictures, it is only going to be in a yearbook for eternity and what kind of experience would it be if you didn’t look back at a yearbook with embarrassment and wonder …what on earth were you thinking mom?? You are welcome AJ. I however had this sinking feeling when I saw it on my calendar because I didn’t put a bow on my daughter. Which my dad in true dad self laughed, commenting that it was the least of my worries seeing how it was very unlikely she would smile anyhow. In that moment I let myself perceive I had failed my 4 year old girl- and I was obviously going to be judged as a terrible parent…. Epically dumb right?? Yes it is, and because of that tiny planted seed, it bothered me the rest of the day. Do I believe I failed my daughter? NO . Did she notice? NO. So why did I let that tiny hair bow bother me? Comparison. stealer of joy. I noticed every hair bow in pick up line…so guess what ? You are going to see this little gem on facebook because it is automatically connected but I did it again….I felt that little seed being planted, the comparison of my daughter, the comparison of my mommy ability so as I do when this happens I removed myself from Facebook AGAIN. So in God’s way he said to me this morning….give it to me. (Hebrews 10:23 Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.) Hold tight to the one I know has me, to put down comparison, expectation and perception and stand in the light of being truly known by the only One who has no perceptions because he see’s everything for exactly what it is, beautifully and wonderfully made in his image.
All this makes me feel I am much more adequate as a boy mom….hahahah.
Camp Run-A-Muk 
I recently saw this mom and her 5 kids and the mom was pregnant too! At the dentist waiting room. Each child was so well groomed. And they were all well behaved! The little girl with a bow in her hair, while the oldest obediently went to the car to get mom something as the mom, perfectly put together herself, was reading one of the kids a book. I look at my daughter who is playing with the little girl with the bow and realize I never combed my daughter’s hair! I got the other one combed but somehow missed my youngest. I felt like poo! I was of course comparing…pregnant with her 6th child, well kept mother reads lovingly to her obedient children. I told my counselor about this experience and her response was this…(that mom may have a stick in the car that those kids may be scared of letting a hair out of place or they could be afraid to misbehave.) I surely hope not! But her response put the perception, like you say, into perspective. You just never know. I feel the same way you did with the bow every time I forget it’s my turn to send in the snack for the classroom. And it happens every month! 😉
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That mom guilt is real!!!! I’m learning Persepolis everything!
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