Foster care · Jesus · Kids

Level Chaos

I used to think to myself or the Lord why on earth are you doing this to me, why is this happeing to me?  I am not enough for this !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I felt this overwhelmingly when I had the twins, I remember feeling like I was a part of the Hunger Games and I may not be a survivor.

I look at life a lot differently now so when life is hard, I often ask God what are you preparing me for?  What are you teaching me?  Lord I want to learn it faster this time than the last time I just tried to survive it!

So the last two weeks has been mega hard, we have 6 kids in our house, two 1 year olds, a 2 year old, then our 5 year old and 7 year old twins.  Chaos level up!

Today I hit a whole new level of crazy, I have listened to so much screaming and fighting and kissed so many smashed fingers I have most cabinets locked but there are a few I allow them to play in and today I HOT GLUED THEM SHUT.  I told the Lord I CAN NOT HANDLE THIS, and in my spirit while looking at the two babies he said I equipped you for this season, YOU CAN BECAUSE I AM ENOUGH TO SUSTAIN YOU IN THIS SEASON.

talk about a mic drop.  Yep Lord you hit the nail right on the head, I need to keep my focus forward.  The story of Jesus calling Peter to walk on the water has been in front of me so many times. Matthew 14:22 we see the story of Jesus walking on the water.  It was in the middle of a life threatening storm (much like life throws at us) Peter asked to walk to him, and he does as long as his focus is on Jesus.  Peter takes his focus, his gaze away from the Lord and looks around at the wind and the waves, he begins to sink.  Jesus asked him in verse 31 in the calm of the boat, “Why did you doubt me?”  Peter let fear in, he took his eyes off the waymaker and let the storm overwhelm his heart.

So if this storm of your life is feeling like mine and you find yourself telling the Lord I AM NOT ENOUGH, listen when He says no you are not but I AM.  Dont take your eyes off the Lord, you will soon be sitting in the calm of the boat because your loving Father walked into the storm to reach for you.

This was not my plan trust me – this season of life feels like a hurricane but I know the wind and the waves will not over take me because I know who holds my right hand and he would never let me sink into the deep without Him.


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